• About the Author
  • Archives
  • Categories
  • Return to Queer Paranormal

    • Archive for February, 2008

    « Older Entries
    Newer Entries »

    The Continental Divide of Humor


    2008 - 02.24

    Posted in australia, benny hill, childhood, comedy, humor, mr bean, television | Comments Off

    The average American doesn’t truly appreciate comedy from other countries.

    When I was in elementary school (I cannot remember my exact age… somewhere between 7 and 10), I had a brilliant idea for a Halloween costume. I went as a “granny mountie“, an oddball version of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police where I rode an old woman instead of a horse. It was borrowed from a skit I watched on Benny Hill. My classmates were confused. A few teachers nearly died laughing. I was thoroughly amused by myself.

    Yes, I watched Benny Hill at that early of an age. I was truly a warped child. Yet the scantily-clad women apparently had no effect on me…

    I was fortunate enough to grow up in a household where I was exposed to many television choices unlike those of my peers. Instead of Dynasty, Beverly Hills 90210, Baywatch, and Melrose Place, I was watching Sherlock Holmes, Lovejoy (where my email and old paranormal group name, ‘Moonspenders‘ is derived from), All Creatures Great and Small, Are You Being Served?, and one of my favorite physical comedy programs: Mr. Bean.

    In recent years, Rowan Atkinson has finally become noticed by the general US public. He made a few Mr. Bean movies and starred as the misfit special agent in Johnny English. None of them seemed to appeal to a broad American audience, and that’s truly a shame. Mr. Bean’s Holiday was a hilarious film!

    I’m not saying that Americans are the only ones who don’t always find the humor in British humor and other comedy. Different styles appeal to different people. Nonetheless, Bob Smith the average Yankee doesn’t quite understand why Monty Python or Kids in the Hall makes some people laugh. What’s wrong with Saturday Night Live?

    Sometimes, it’s cultural differences. Unknown politics and celebrities. Even I am forced to admit that although I love the Australian program The Chasers War on Everything, occasionally I miss a joke because the name is not familiar. European comedy is most familiar. I try my best to keep up on foreign politics. I know all about Tony Blair (the bastard). I recognize that Jacques Chirac is no longer in office, and hasn’t been since May of 2007 (et il est un homosexuel…). I know about the recent hate crime in Canberra, Australia. I know Brazil’s economy is booming.

    In short: I’m aware of the world around me.

    Perhaps that’s why I grasp the humor of other countries. And not just because I find America as humorous as they do…

    Just Say Nonnein to Ouija?


    2008 - 02.23

    Posted in childhood, history, john jennon, ouija | Comments Off

    Most of us have fiddled around with a Ouija board during our childhood. My sister and I tried to contact the spirit of singer/songwriter John Lennon one afternoon in our living room. The planchette moved a few times. She later confessed to having moved it herself.

    Oh well. I’m sure he had far better things to do with the afterlife.

    The “mystifying oracle” is a popular topic of discussion whenever the paranormal world is mentioned. People occasionally try to hold their own séances using the board, contacting what they believe to be their dead relatives.

    Unfortunately, most people don’t know much of the history of the parlor game.

    Ouija (derived from two translations for “yes”: “Oui” being French and “Ja“, German, therefore Ouija means yes-yes), as we know it, has been around for almost a century. Earlier versions of talking boards have existed since as early as 540, but the first patent was registered in the US for a “ouija board” by Elijah Bond in 1891. William Fuld took over production of the board in 1901. His name can still be found on modern boards. Parker Brothers purchased the full rights in 1966.

    It is no surprise that the Ouija board first became popular during the First World War. Families were desperate to contact their deceased loved ones and find a little peace of mind. Another spike in popularity hit during the 1960s and 1970s, when mysticism began making a comeback. It remains a well-recognized image today, though its popularity has dwindled.

    Today, most scientists rationalize the results of its practice with the ideomotor effect; that is, unconscious reflexive reactions of the body. Some paranormalists agree, but believe it to be the subconscious mind giving results from a higher power, without the knowledge of the conscious mind. Spiritualists maintain that it’s the sole work of spirits and ghosts.

    Modern day parapsychologists and paranormal investigators have abandoned its use. Generally speaking, it is not a trustworthy device for communication with the deceased. Would your dead Aunt Claire really be interested in returning home just to entertain a group of high school cheerleaders during a slumber party? Probably not. If it does indeed contact spirits, it is far more likely to randomly choose the nearest ethereal presence, be them good, bad, honest, or foolhardy. Many mediums and researchers go as far as declaring the boards “dangerous” and “demonic”.

    So, what is the Ouija board, exactly? It’s a board game. It’s a divination device. Take your pick. But if you decide to use one for yourself, it would be wise to treat it as a source of skeptical entertainment rather than definitive truth.

    Panic and the Disco


    2008 - 02.23

    Posted in germany, homosexuality, labels, pregnancy, science, sexuality, stress | Comments Off

    Sexuality and its origins have always been a fiercely debated subject. Is it genetic? Is it a learned trait? Is it both? Even though science has discovered several possibilities, no one can agree.

    I heard a stand-up comedian once discuss a German study involving stress and homosexuality. It turns out, her routine was based in fact. The Dresden Study, as it has become known, noted that during World War II, a higher-than-normal percentage of infants born during the bombing of the city ended up being gay or lesbian. Dr. Günter Dörner published his findings in 1982 (Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 11, No. 5, 1982, pp. 445–450). Researchers in America and the United Kingdom confirmed that the stress chromosome cortisol may lead to a decrease in testosterone, causing infants to become homosexual.

    Lately, there’s been a rise in researchers trying to find physical differences to “weed out” gays and lesbians: the length of ring fingers, left-handedness, number of older brothers, hair patterns, fingerprints, etc. In most circumstances, the traits apply to “many” gays and lesbians, but not all.

    So, where do I register on the plethora of scientific babble floating around in cyberspace? Well, my mother suffered from panic attacks during her pregnancy. Check. I am left-handed (supposedly, gays and lesbians are more inclined to be left-handed… us south paws are better with spatial tasks, i.e. art, science, math, architecture, and everyday life). Check. My index finger is shorter than my ring finger. Oops. My hair has a clockwise whorl. Oops. I have no brothers. Oops. I didn’t dress like a girl as a child. Oops. I played with toy cars and trains as a child. Oops.

    So, science hasn’t quite figured things out. Hopefully, they never will. Why do I say that? very simple: it would create a basis for discrimination and extermination. Mothers could choose whether or not to abort a child who might grow up to be homosexual. People with certain key features could be ostracized or excluded from activities and society. Though the world would not instantaneously become an intolerant place, it would be a better breeding ground for people with malevolent intentions.

    My sister is pregnant with her first child. With all the dysfunctional genes and health issues running in our family, it will be quite interesting to see how he or she turns out.

    I’ll try not to stress her out too much to test the hypothesis.

    Blood Baths, Lesbians, Dracula, and Transylvania


    2008 - 02.22

    Posted in dracula, eastern europe, elizabeth bathory, lesbians, romania, slovakia, transylvania, vampires, vlad the impaler | Comments Off

    I’ve always been fascinated with Eastern Europe. Perhaps it stems from my heritage (my great grandfather lived in an apartment in Bratislava, Slovakia before coming to America). Or it could be the result of the countless images of werewolves, old crumbling castles, and vampires haunting my nightmares at an early age. I even dated a Romanian named Dani during my college years (yes, he was from the region known as Transylvania… his hair, voice, and sense of humor were all dark… but he wasn’t a vampire, sorry).

    Often, our most iconic images are not so much based in reality but a blend of fact and fiction.

    Dracula, as we are familiar with him in our culture, never actually existed. His image stems from three sources: superstition, Vlad Dracul, and Elizabeth Báthory.

    A strigoi, in Romanian mythology, is the evil soul of the dead capable of transforming itself into an animal or specter to haunt and terrorize the countryside.There were a few different forms: Strigoi vii were living vampire witches, while Strigoi morţi were their undead counterparts. Both fed off the life force (be it the soul or blood) of their victims and could only be destroyed during their feast.

    Vlad Ţepeş (”Vlad the Impaler“, Vladislav III Dracula , or “son of Dracul“, Prince of Wallachia) was a fair and well-loved ruler in Romania during the 15th Century. His nickname stems from his preferred method of punishment. Tales of Vlad drinking the blood of his victims circulated around Europe, though these words came from the lips of his enemies. After escaping Poienari Castle (”Dracula’s Castle” as it is now known, where his first wife leaped to her death in the Argeş River below), he returned in 1475 with Stefan Báthory to reclaim the throne, only to be killed in battle during the winter of 1476. His body has never been found.

    Speaking of the Báthory family, there’s yet another possible origin for the vampires of legend: Báthory Erzsébet, better known as Countess Elizabeth Báthory of Hungary. Elizabeth was a lesbian and always surrounded herself with beautiful, young women. As age and fading beauty began consuming her thoughts, she devised a plan to keep herself young.

    She would bathe in the blood of young women. Well, torture and mutilate them first… just for fun.

    Everything seemed to go quite well, under the guise of schooling young peasant girls from the countryside. But soon, the rumors of her misdeeds reached government officials. To avoid a public scandal, she was sentenced to house arrest. Čachtice Castle in modern-day Slovakia became her prison for the remainder of her life. She passed away on August 21, 1614 while still bricked into the single room.

    Over the many centuries, these and many other tales became twisted and molded into the character we know today as Count Dracula. Transylvania and much of Eastern Europe still retain their superstitious beliefs, but most of the negative reputation is unwarranted.

    But who knows… if you ever find yourself wandering the Bohemian countryside after dark, you just might encounter a spook or two… or even a lesbian vampire…

    Divination Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery…


    2008 - 02.22

    Posted in divination, mammomancy, palmistry, phallomancy, psychics, rumpology, sexuality | Comments Off

    Fortune-telling has been around for centuries. People seek out an explanation for why they are the way they are and why their lives follow a certain path. From tasseography (tea leaf reading) to tarot, countless versions exist. Practically anything can be used to gain insight into the client as well as predict their future.

    Including body parts.

    Most people are aware of palmistry (the ability to tell information of someone’s past, present, and future from lines on their hand) and phrenology (reading someone’s head shape). But what about other, less-considered physical features? Believe it or not, it’s all been done. And I do mean everything.

    I thought I’d share a few of the most amusing ones with all of you.

    First comes rumpology. Yes, it sounds like the fictitious work of a dirty mind. It is what it sounds like: divination of the buttocks. Ulf Buck of Meldorf, Germany caused quite a stir several years ago when the media picked up on his abilities. Buck, who happens to be blind, claims that the lines and wrinkles on someone’s posterior tell a lot about a person. And he’s not alone. In the US, Jacqueline Stallone will read your rear for a reasonable US$125 (126 Euros).

    Next (surely a favorite for many people) is phallomancy. Yes, you heard me right: divination of the penis. Believe it or not, some people believe you can judge a man’s character by it. Of course, I tend to believe you can tell a lot about a man without having him drop his trousers… but if it’s in the name of science…

    To be fair, there is also mammomancy or mastomancy: divination of the breasts. Obviously a perfect excuse for straight men and lesbians to feel up their girlfriends.

    Believe it or not, all of these techniques have existed since ancient times. They aren’t simply modern creations brought on by a lustful society. At one time, they were very much accepted and widely practiced. In our modern society, they tend to be met more with a chuckle and a little disdain.

    As a society, we strive to move forward while accusing our ancestors of being incompetent and crude. We view ourselves as superior. More advanced. Better educated. We’re slowly learning that the ancient world was far less archaic than we’ve assumed. Perhaps our blushing and tittering at these practices shows us to be far more childish than our predecessors. Or perhaps we are right to scoff at these “bizarre” practices.

    Whichever it is, we can all agree that it’s quite amusing.

    When Psychics Meet Modern Thought


    2008 - 02.21

    Posted in psychics, rants, science, skepticism | Comments Off

    To say that last night’s meeting went smoothly would be a prevarication. Once more, I opened my mouth and allowed a personal opinion to tumble forth… leading to vivid discussion and complete confusion on my part.

    All I said was, “It would be nice to have a way to tell how accurate the psychics in the group are. Maybe we could test them somehow.”

    In the ensuing discussion, the line between scientific evidence and psychic impressions became more of a tug-of-war than open discourse.

    Frankly, I have no problems with psychic ability. I have some belief in it. Everyone has some type of extrasensory perception, however minuscule. That doesn’t mean all psychics are reliable or even trustworthy. Plenty of people (even some well-known names) use manipulation to pull information out of people and spit it back to them under the guise of channeling or communicating with the spirit realm. This makes the work of the honest, true psychics more difficult and often the target or ridicule.

    In my 13 years of investigating ghosts and hauntings, I’ve worked with over a dozen psychics. Some have left me feeling thoroughly unimpressed, though I always remained polite. Others left me shocked and speechless at the information they had no way of knowing. I hold a deep respect for the tried-and-true psychics and sensitives of the world. However few there are.

    Most of the best psychics don’t flash themselves around. They’re the ones you rarely see on television or see advertisements about in newspapers. They’re modest and sometimes doubt their ability. They’re humble. They’re normal or a little goofy. They welcome technology and scientific verification. And best of all, they’re great company.

    Still, many psychics will occasionally have issues with my methods. I don’t blindly trust people to tell me the truth. I need proof and validation. I want to rule out natural phenomena and mental illness. I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a real reason to investigate a haunting. And if someone rids a place of a spirit without this validation, what proof will there ever be that there was something there in the first place? Is it really necessary to evict every single ghost on the planet? Is the role of a psychic a landlord and housekeeper?

    I can’t help my rational mind. I walk a very thin line. I’m open to things beyond normal human perception yet I need my five senses to be appeased and alerted. Without both sides of the spectrum, all we are is a bunch of freaks wandering around in the darkness with flashlights. And that’s all we’ll ever be to the world.

    Diligently Following the Campaign Treasure Trail…


    2008 - 02.20

    Posted in allegations, drugs, election, homosexuality, news, obama | Comments Off

    With the US presidential campaigns finally kicking into high gear, there was bound to be some controversies and allegations sooner or later. Barack Obama is edging out Hillary Clinton for Democratic nominee. And now, a man has come forward with allegations of Obama’s recent past, only to be ignored by mainstream media.

    What’s the fuss all about? Oh, nothing serious. Just that Obama smoked crack cocaine and received oral sex from a man in 1999.

    A man named Larry Sinclair recently came forward with this bold statement. He posted a YouTube video concerning the matter and claims that soon afterward, Obama and the Democratic National Committee began threatening and intimidating him. He went so far as to file a lawsuit against them on February 11th.

    According to Sinclair, the incident took place in his limousine. He also stated that the then-Illinois legislator purchased powdered cocaine for him. They then proceeded to a hotel where… well, you can fill in the rest with your imagination.

    Is the story true? We should find out before the March 4th primary elections. Sinclair was paid $10,000 for his story by Whitehouse.com and they are administering a polygraph test on February 26th. If the test results show he is telling the truth, he’ll be given an extra $100,000 by the news agency.

    Could this damage Obama’s campaign? Of course. But even if the allegations are true, at least he opted to have a sex scandal before entering the Oval Office…

    All That You Will See Is a Celebrity…


    2008 - 02.19

    Posted in celebrities, childhood, dan letterle, friendship, movies, reality | Comments Off

    So many people in the world claim to know (or even to have slept with) a celebrity. people make bold statements, often to be ridiculed by others online and in real life. To say that you know someone famous is to be arrogant or showy. Of course, it’s not always true. Sometimes, knowing someone with some level of fame happens by sheer coincidence. Sometimes, it’s not all the glamour people think it is.

    Long ago, in high school, I was involved with singing and acting. Some people, such as myself, simply used it as a fun social outlet. Others had aspirations of stardom. When you’re young, no one really expects any of their peers to make it anywhere. it’s just a dream that most likely leads to table-waiting jobs in New York City. That reality is always in the back of your mind.

    One of my classmates seemed to have the acting bug. We weren’t close by any stretch of the imagination. He was the nice kid who treated me fairly. The one who leaned in close to me during choir to make sure he was on the right note. Eye candy for a shy, quiet boy yet to come out of his shell.School came and went. Years passed by. And then came the fateful day, watching an Absolutely Fabulous marathon on Comedy Central. A commercial flashed across the screen as I was getting something to drink. That voice. It sounded so familiar. But no, it couldn’t be…

    But it was.

    A few years later, I was browsing for new movies. I stopped cold. There was that face staring back at me again. The movie was Camp. I grabbed a copy and watched it. I laughed and fidgeted. Daniel Letterle really had made it.

    A few more years went by. A few more movies. The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green. Monster Island. I heard through the grapevine that he had returned home to Ohio and was living relatively nearby after a bit of a rough time in Los Angeles. On a whim, I emailed him. A while later, I finally heard back.

    During the summer of 2007, we became reacquainted again. Living only a mile away, it was quite convenient having a new-found friend for socializing. We laughed, commiserated, and watched movies. We even plotted out a comedy script. I learned perhaps more than we care to learn about our friends. We had moments of disagreement, sometimes bordering love-hate. His life became rougher and had a few down slides. We stepped away for a few months, losing contact.

    On November 14th, 2007, I was out with fellow ghost hunters having dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse in Akron, Ohio. As we waited to be seated, I saw him waiting tables. At first, I wasn’t sure what to say so I said nothing. Finally, an hour later, I caught his attention. He seemed different in a positive sense. He didn’t have that facade anymore. He wasn’t pretending to be anyone. He actually seemed happy… stable. We talked briefly and said we’d get back in touch. We still haven’t caught up on life and news.

    Sometimes, people hold actors and other celebrities on a pedestal. We think them to be impervious to pain, emotion, and thought. In reality, they’re just the same as all of us. They have hard times. They make mistakes. They try to seem happy when they’re screaming on the inside. They feel confused about themselves and their lives. But they’re human too. Beneath that tough exterior built up by the harshness of Hollywood, they’re just like the rest of us.

    I always had a difficult time thinking of Dan as a “celebrity”. He was just Dan: the goofball kid who tried making other people laugh and be happy. The boy with the slight exhibitionist streak who would wander around before high school plays in nothing but a pair of white briefs, simply for the shock value. The guy with hopes and dreams, and deep down, a heart of gold. He’s not a meal ticket or a toy. He’s just someone who, all frustration aside, I still consider a friend. And like most friends I’ve known, we lose touch now and then.
    Wherever he is now, whomever he’s with, and whatever he’s doing, I do hope he’s happy. And perhaps our paths will cross again some day…

    It’s Not Officially a Party Until…


    2008 - 02.19

    Posted in amusement, birthdays, friends, parties, psychics | Comments Off

    Another crazy and interesting night gone.

    Last night was a surprise birthday party for a psychic friend. Believe me, it’s no small feat to surprise a psychic! She had a feeling that something was up, but we convinced her she was wrong for at least 25 minutes. Not too bad, I must say.

    There was pizza, games, and tons of laughter. We can be an odd bunch at times. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, even if some of the biggest laughs were at the expense of others. Nothing too vicious, mind you. But who can’t laugh when margarita comes out someone’s nose?

    After watching the new episode of Paranormal State, we decided to take some photographs for the ghost hunting website. Some people were picky about their photos, others could care less. Of course, being tall, I suggested getting down on my knees to make it easier. My friend Bill had to make a snide comment about that… but we all laughed at the irony. I even caught a chuckle coming from the quiet straight man/pro wrestler in the corner of the room. I couldn’t tell if he blushed… he’s too tan!

    A few group photos were taken on the couch, as well as a comedic picture of Bill, Chris, and I pretending to be a flamboyant gay ghost-hunting trio. I would post it here, but I’m still waiting to get a copy… perhaps that will be another entry later this week when I have nothing of any consequence to say…

    The evening finally wrapped up around midnight. We all headed for home, exhausted. I checked email one final time and curled up in bed.

    I still have much to accomplish today. Either I’m insanely busy or bored to tears. Everything should slow down by the weekend, and I’m actually looking forward to the peace and quiet…

    There’s Something Queer About That Old, Spooky House…


    2008 - 02.18

    Posted in gay ghosts, ghosts, hauntings, homosexuality, louisiana, tennessee, united states | Comments Off

    I can’t help it. It’s nearly impossible to be a gay man and not try to find a gay slant to nearly everything.

    Even the paranormal.

    When I first started investigating the supernatural, I still felt quite alone. I was a teenager in a small town, battling my own demons and shame while searching for dead people in the darkness. Actually, that’s what drew me further into the world of ghosts and hauntings: they seemed so sad. So misunderstood. So feared and hated for no good reason. They were viewed how I felt I was being viewed. They just needed someone to listen. Like me.

    Then came the other investigators. Many were devoutly religious and “of a high moral fiber” (meaning Bible-thumping tyrants). Some were very nice, though, and very accepting. And as time went on, I stumbled across one or two who were ‘family’. At least I wasn’t the only gay in the village anymore…

    I’ve come to realize that there are many gays and lesbians in the field, scattered across the country (we really are everywhere!) and many were just as shocked to find out they weren’t alone.

    But that wasn’t quite good enough for me. It lead to another question: are there any gay ghosts?

    Obviously, there had to be. The world of the dead can’t be all straight! Right?

    In fact, I was right. I have found stories. I’ve even been compiling notes for a book on the subject.

    So, where are these queer spooks, you say? Just look around the globe and you’ll find them. Corpsewood Manor, tucked away in a remote section of Tennessee, is allegedly haunted by a gay couple who were murdered for worshiping Satan (hmm… what better way to rationalize a hate crime than making the victims sound like terrible people). A well-known bar in New Orleans, Cafe Lafitte’s in Exile, is rumored to be the favored watering hole of long-dead writers Tennessee Williams and Truman Capote. There’s even a haunted gay bar in Italy!

    And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

    To be honest, I’m dying of curiosity to see these places for myself and investigate the spirits which inhabit them. It’s not simply because of the gay content. The tales themselves are just plain fascinating to me. Though I will admit, the fact that they involve gay characters does make it more intriguing.

    We may not have the right to marry, but we do still have the right to haunt the bastards who’ve bashed us!

    « Older Entries
    Newer Entries »