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    A Case of Hearse Harassment…


    2008 - 10.25

    Making a living out of death is never a simple existence. It may lead to unusual quirks or humor or, in the case of one undertaker in Sydney, Australia, to criminal behavior.

    Adam Lee of the cheerfully named Caring Funerals has faced a rough year. In September, he was found guilty of fraud over the mix-up of two corpses. Two bodies, one to see a traditional burial and the other cremation, were erroneously swapped several years prior and bereaved families were compensated for his misdeeds.

    But now, it seems Adam found himself in Sydney court again this past week. The 37-year-old unlucky mortician was charged with stalking.

    It appears that in December of 2004, Adam drove his hearse in an intoxicated state. He followed Maureen Wyer through the city streets, blowing his horn and unleashing a verbal torrent of obscenities. The incident had been random, since Lee had never previously met Wyer. In court on Tuesday, his lawyer acknowledged Lee’s habit of binge drinking on weekends and “deteriorating… mental state”. Earlier this year, Adam was found guilty of driving under suspension, “driving in a menacing manner”, and operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol.

    He was found guilty Thursday of four offenses. Although he has been placed on an 18-month bond for good behavior, his license has been suspended for two years and he was fined an additional $400. A doctor’s report submitted to the court showed a history of depression and abuse of alcohol, so he was further ordered to undergo psychological treatment.

    So remember: if you’ve been drinking, it might not be wise to get behind the wheel of a vehicle. But more importantly, embalming while intoxicated could catch you in just as much legal trouble.

    But Does She Float?


    2008 - 10.09

    It is said that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. This point may have been proved true recently in an adult education class in Ferndale, Michigan.

    Students in a classroom at Taft Education Center were studying The Crucible, a play pertaining to the Salem Witch Trials of 1692. On September 10th, 20-year-old Darin Najor asked the educator outright if she believed in witchcraft. She replied in the negative and further explained that the point of the play was to demonstrate unjust persecution. Najor then tossed his studies to the floor, declaring it “blasphemy”.

    The following day, he stepped up behind the teacher who was sitting at her desk. While chanting what reportedly sounded like “religious verses”, he poured a liquid (later said to be holy water—Najor’s attempt at “purifying” the professor) over the head of his teacher and produced a cigarette lighter to “burn the witch”. Najor fled the class but was soon found by the teacher and a security guard in his car in the parking lot where he further attempted to burn her with a lit cigarette.

    Darin was arrested Monday on an assault and battery warrant. The pretrial is scheduled for October 23rd. Fittingly, Najor does not have an attorney for the case.

    After over 300 years, some people just can’t quite grasp the lessons of history. Or perhaps he isn’t as dim-witted as we percieve and merely attempted to reenact the proceedings of the times.

    This isn’t the sort of “live history” anyone had in mind.

    At least he didn’t drop a house on her.

    What If God Was One of Us…


    2008 - 07.01

    God has some real explaining to do.

    God Lucky Howard (yes, that’s his real name) was arrested in Tampa, Florida for selling crack cocaine. Outside of a church!

    Police have been hot on God’s trail since April. Last month, they obtained a warrant and found an additional 22 grams of cocaine in his home. He was arrested on June 21st and remains in jail.

    Let’s just hope he doesn’t have a son named Jesus. That could spell disaster.

    Ghosts Pointing Fingers…


    2008 - 06.16

    Being dead isn’t always a handicap. Given the right opportunity, you can fight crime from beyond the grave.

    A pedophile is behind bars right now to prove this point.

    During the taping of a live show for medium Patrick Hutchinson last year in a pub, a message came through from an audience member’s grandmother. The spirit told Hutchinson that the girl had been abused 10 years prior and the guilty man was still at large. The ethereal confession weighed on the mind of the 20-year-old receiver and prompted her to tell her friend… who had also been a victim of Terrance Dunstan of Morley, Leeds.

    A complaint was filed in October. Soon after, a third girl came forward with similar allegations. Dunstan was charged with 5 counts of indecent assault on the three girls, and the court discovered previous allegations and a guilty plea from 2005.

    Dunstan, 61, has been sentenced to over 5 1/2 years in prison and will be on the sex offenders list for the remainder of his life.

    No More Thrill Rides…


    2008 - 06.09

    With the soaring popularity of investigating hauntings, it seems everyone is trying to jump on the bandwagon. Unfortunately, some people fail to follow any sort of legal procedures.

    Five “ghost hunters” in El Paso, Texas, learned their lesson the hard way last week.

    Jorge Montoya (17), Carmen Salazar (17), Gerardo Santoyo (18), John Carrillo (20), Rene Nunez (21), and Felipe Ochoa (23) decided to investigate the abandoned Magic Landing Amusement Park on Wednesday night. They ignored the ‘No Trespassing’ signs placed around the property and wandered around by flashlight, snapping photographs and looking for paranormal activity. A neighbor phoned police after seeing the lights. The quintet fled to their vehicles when police arrived, but couldn’t escape the law.

    Each was charged with criminal trespassing Thursday morning.

    The property owners take the matter very seriously. In April, an arson fire caused $485,000 in damage to the former amusement park. They have since told Sheriff Deputies they will press charges against anyone found on their property without their consent.

    Nicknamed “Tragic Landing”, the park was only open for four years. Legend states that a boy lost his hand and died at the park; his ghost is said to wander the grounds. In 1985, an 18-year-old employee named Frank Guzman Jr. was killed after his arm was severed by a roller coaster while retrieving a customer’s baseball hat from the track. The roller coaster is gone now… it was sold to Bosque Magico in Mexico.

    I doubt this is the sort of fame hoped for by the group. Perhaps they should have made a phone call to the owners and saved themselves the trouble of calling a friend or family member to get them out of jail…

    Ectoplasmic Excuses…


    2008 - 05.21

    It seems there is a new trend in criminal defense tactics: blame it on dead people!

    In England, Dawood Khan is accused of murdering a Yorkshire College student last year with a cricket bat. He claims no knowledge of the actual crime. Doctors at the Stockton Hall Hospital where he is being held have stated that he believes he was under the influence of “black magic and two ghosts”.

    Similarly, in Salinas, California, attempted to explain the 1996 drug-related murder of 20-year-old Victor Manuel Gutierrez on a ghost, only to recant his tale later. As his trial approaches, he is now blaming it on another (living) man.

    Has this ever been a valid argument, or are people just more desperate to use the insanity defense?

    Plots for Potheads…


    2008 - 05.14

    Three teenagers in Texas were in desperate need of a marijuana fix. Since they didn’t happen to have a bong handy, they decided to improvise.

    Allegedly, the druggie trio sneaked into an abandoned cemetery in the woods near Humble over a two-day period, dug up the grave of an 11-year-old boy who passed away in 1921, removed the skull from the interred body, and carried the head home to smoke marijuana out of the cranium.

    Police were questioning Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, on a charge of vehicular burglary when he recounted the tale. The police thought it was merely an attempt to throw them off course.

    When they went to the home of Matthew Gonzalez, 17, and asked him about the story, he spit his food out at the dining table.

    Police have charged them all with abuse of a corpse. Gonzalez was also charged with misdemeanor theft for the vehicle break-in while Jones and the unnamed third juvenile each face charges of credit card abuse.

    And the skull? It’s still missing. Authorities are still attempting to locate it in an effort to place it back in the grave.

    The cemetery is believed to have been the final resting place for black war veterans and their families.