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    Buy, Sell, or Shuffle?


    2008 - 04.28

    Obviously, we consider banks to be rather meticulous with their money and cautious with what they do with it. Brits may not have as much faith anymore, considering some of the nations largest financial institutions are using an interesting method to play the market.

    Astrologers.

    And they aren’t the only ones turning to the stars. Even investment funds and retail companies are turning to the zodiac for major decisions. As the credit crunch worsens, a growing network of discreet astrologers are finding the times very profitable.

    And why do they do it? Apparently, it is working somehow. High and Mighty, a men’s big and tall clothing retailer, has successfully used readings to make business decisions.

    The key is planetary alignment. This principle has been around for centuries in heliocentric astrology. Hitler relied on it to plot moves (but didn’t factor it in with the Battle of Britain). Ronald Reagan and Boris Yeltsin planned their travels around the planets. Many celebrities seem to have certain similarities concerning which planets were rising and falling during their birth.

    Dr. Percy Seymour, a retired astrophysicist from Plymouth University, claims that after studying the planets for decades, they have a point. Magnetic fields are altered slightly as the planets rotate, and though it doesn’t control us “it can influence us.”

    So, what do the planets say is in store with finances? Things will begin a slight upswing in April, but starting in August, the global economy is expected to be in for a very rough 4 or 5 years. October of 2008 will mark another crisis. And 2012 itself is supposed to be a crucial year of major catastrophe (ironic, since London hosts the Olympics in that year.)

    Why can’t we ever get good news from astrology?

    No matter what you believe, in all probability we are in for a difficult few years. But do I need a chart or book to tell me that?

    Condescension Among the Ranks…


    2008 - 03.19

    It’s Wednesday. I’m still tired and felt the need to vent a bit… since I really didn’t have much time to last night.

    I was actually in a decent mood up until a conversation last night. Wait, conversation implies two parties talking to each other, not one person talking and replying condescendingly to opposing viewpoints.

    The topic started out harmless enough, but soon spiraled to a whirlwind of prophecies and economics. Not thought-provoking economics, either. More of the “I want to tell you how the economy works since you probably never attended a class in your life on the subject” variety of economics. With a hint of “the world is heading toward major change and enlightenment” tossed in for good measure.

    Edgar Cayce meets Alan Greenspan.

    I take no issue with anyone having future predictions. Even if the new “global single country” is labeled the “New World Order” (so, we’ll be an 80s band… who would’ve guessed?). Eventually, we’ll find out if he or she is right. I do, however, take offense when someone proceeds to tell me how the world works and how current events are effecting things and I’m not permitted to disagree. My main qualms last night were 1) the world economy does not hinge on the whim of the United States, 2) our government is not “probably using a lot of the war money to save our economy and prepare us for the major changes heading our way”, and 3) if the United States economy collapses, the world won’t suddenly crumble and head toward disaster.

    Maybe this is partly why I am so un-American. When someone tries to shove the American ego down my throat, I want to gag and vomit. Just look around. China, for all intents and purposes, already owns us. a vast majority of our jobs are already overseas. The dollar is dropping in value so fast that Amsterdam currency exchange outlets are sometimes refusing to accept American currency.

    I read the global news. I have actually studied economics and listened to the projections being made. So that makes me a bumbling fool because I don’t think we’re still a superpower? And to add insult to injury, being bashed in the head with all this until after 4:00 AM?

    Afterward, while lying in bed, contemplating my irritation, my thoughts drifted to a certain Russian “news” website and its belittling comments about the US. I was thinking about the personal attacks they write while missing a neutral stance and logical explanation. I thought about why I don’t attack in that manner, by name-calling and whatnot.

    I audibly uttered, “I’m not that sort of bloke.”

    Bloke. Yes, I actually said bloke.

    I think I’m turning British. Very quickly.