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    Stories of the Strange…


    2009 - 01.28

    I have missed quite a lot of odd news over the past month. Luckily, there’s a never-ending supply of the odd around our planet. Here are just a few strange stories from various news wires.

    Are Curses Really Talent?

    Simon Cowell is the man everyone seems to love to hate. Now, he’s upset the wrong girl on the wrong day. While filming an episode of Britain’s Got Talent, one contestant took her dismissal a bit too seriously. She returned to the stage, placing a hex on all the judges, stating, “You’re all doomed.” Following the witchy woman’s departure, the crew experienced the worst session ever. But was it the curse or just a lack of talent in Birmingham?

    A Predestined Payoff…

    Jorma Hogbacka, a 60-year-old retired welder from Ontario, is now $14.5 million dollars richer. But the St. Catharines man isn’t at all surprised. A psychic told him he would be rich beyond his wildest dreams just four years ago. Hogbacka doesn’t have any major plans for the money and says he feels like it’s “another day, except I have a big cheque.” Surele he won’t be the ony one cashing in on this bit of luck. if the psychic comes forward, she undoubtedly stands to make her own windfall.

    Strangers in the Night…

    While singer Robbie Williams is hunting UFOs, something strange has been happening in the comfort of his own home. On numerous occasions, Williams has awakened to find cuts and scratches on his back. The marks generally disappear within a few days, but he didn’t think it strange until mentioning it to friends recently. Some people have suggested it to be encountered with demons, ghosts, or succubi. Or perhaps he simply rolled over on his cat in the middle of the night…

    Smudge Them Out…

    After the past eight years of Bush and Cheney in the White House, there is probably more than a little bad karma left over within its walls. But not anymore: last Monday, hundreds of people met at Dupont Circle to burn some white sage. The act, known as smudging, follows shamanic/Native American tradition of dispersing negative energy from an area. As the crowd sang “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye“, wafts of the pungent smoke drifted toward 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to rid it of “evil spirits.” Fortunately, the evil entities had already vacated the building…

    Cream, Sugar, or Spooks?

    British scientists believe they’ve found a clue to explaining paranormal activity by the cup full. A Durham University study of 216 coeds this month revealed that students drinking large quantities of caffeine (at least seven cups per day) are more prone to hearing unexplained voices. According to the researchers, caffeine consumption could have an effect on schizophrenic hallucinations, though they could not confirm repeatable tests or that participants actually consumed the levels of caffeine stated in the study. Really. Over two hundred college students claim caffeine is their one vice that leads to hallucinations? I find that hard to swallow…

    When A Rabbit’s Foot Just Won’t Do…


    2008 - 11.17

    Africa’s greatest export these days seems to be bizarre news of human stupidity and strangeness. The madness of witchcraft hysteria sweeping across parts of the country has once more captured media attention. This time, the targets are far easier to spot…

    The murders of at least 29 albinos have caused quite a stir in Tanzania. This time, it’s the witch doctors believed to be responsible for the crimes. While peddling body parts on the black market is hardly new, these crimes are different. Humans with albinism are believed to possess magical properties; their limbs, hair, and other parts are thought to make excellent charms for good luck and wealth while drinking their blood or consuming flesh is said to grant the consumer bountiful fortune. Fishermen pay large sums for albino hair to weave into nets for attracting fish. Amulets made from human albinos are snatched up by miners looking to hit the mother lode in gemstone mines.

    I’m sure even the Donner Party would find this news beyond taboo.

    Greed and ignorance have lead to the slaughter of countless victims. A Lake Tanganyika fisherman reportedly sold his 24-year-old albino wife to Congo businessmen last week for £2,000. Already this year, police have arrested over 170 witch doctors and citizens for crimes against albinos and marketing body parts. One in 4,000 people are said to display signs of albinism in Tanzania, meaning hundreds of thousands of Tanzanians may be in danger of attacks. Many live in a constant state of fear. Many of those escaping with their lives or yet unaffected by the crimes are seeking police protection and asylum.

    In a country where men live in fear of rape by the bat-winged creature known as Popo Bawa, these beliefs and superstitions are hardly surprising. But trafficking in pieces of pale people for profit? It’s quite a disturbing trend and testament to the madness of humanity…

    Bizarre News Recaps…


    2008 - 10.28

    While recovering from a cold the past few days, I didn’t have a chance to write long posts about some odd and interesting news from the last week. Here’s a bit of what you missed while I was busy hording Kleenex.

    Pinned for Office…

    President Nicolas Sarkozy of France is up in cross stitched arms and spitting nails (or needles) over the tactics of a publishing company. They are selling voodoo dolls of his likeness accompanied by slogans reportedly spoken by Sarkozy (including such thoughtful words as “get lost, you pathetic arsehole”). They aren’t just targeting the incumbent; his rival, Segolene Royal, has a similar doll marketed by the same company during last year’s election. Both men are considering legal action. Some politicians are just a bit high strung.

    Branded a Driving Witch…

    Get ready, Salem. Drivers in the city may soon have the option of purchasing specialty license plates bearing a witch. Destination Salem is asking the Registry of Motor Vehicles to add the new plate to its options. Unfortunately, similar plates will not be issued for broomsticks.

    A Feline Vortex…

    Wooaston in Stourbridge, UK, has earned the nickname “The Purr-muda Triangle” this month, as nearly 50 cats have gone missing without a trace in the past five years. Several collars have been located around Meriden Avenue, where the mystery is centered, but not a single hair or body has surfaced. Are aliens in need of a litte furry companionship or has Cruella deVille turned her sights toward other animals?

    Virtual Jail Time…

    Two Dutch teenagers have been convicted of theft in Leewarden District Court. The object in question is a magic amulet and mask. Not a real amulet, mind you: it exists only in the virtual reality game RuneScape. The culprits, aged 15 a 14, convinced a 13-year-od boy to snag the items and place them into their online accounts. For their acts, the two youths were sentenced to 200 and 160 hours of community service, respectably. And no amount of cyber gold coins can get them out of this mess.

    But Does She Float?


    2008 - 10.09

    It is said that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. This point may have been proved true recently in an adult education class in Ferndale, Michigan.

    Students in a classroom at Taft Education Center were studying The Crucible, a play pertaining to the Salem Witch Trials of 1692. On September 10th, 20-year-old Darin Najor asked the educator outright if she believed in witchcraft. She replied in the negative and further explained that the point of the play was to demonstrate unjust persecution. Najor then tossed his studies to the floor, declaring it “blasphemy”.

    The following day, he stepped up behind the teacher who was sitting at her desk. While chanting what reportedly sounded like “religious verses”, he poured a liquid (later said to be holy water—Najor’s attempt at “purifying” the professor) over the head of his teacher and produced a cigarette lighter to “burn the witch”. Najor fled the class but was soon found by the teacher and a security guard in his car in the parking lot where he further attempted to burn her with a lit cigarette.

    Darin was arrested Monday on an assault and battery warrant. The pretrial is scheduled for October 23rd. Fittingly, Najor does not have an attorney for the case.

    After over 300 years, some people just can’t quite grasp the lessons of history. Or perhaps he isn’t as dim-witted as we percieve and merely attempted to reenact the proceedings of the times.

    This isn’t the sort of “live history” anyone had in mind.

    At least he didn’t drop a house on her.

    Just a Sorcerer Loser…


    2008 - 09.17

    A football match in the town of Butembo in Democratic Republic of Congo turned deadly last week. Not from overzealous fans, but hexing.

    Nyuki was losing against the local team, Socozaki. In an effort to sway the odds in their favor, Nyuki’s goalie performed a little ritual in an effort to curse the opposition. A brawl started between players, resulting in an all-out riot.

    Eleven people were killed. Several others were seriously injured.

    Africans take witchcraft as seriously as their football. Throughout the summer, dozens of people have been killed in western Africa for practicing black magic.

    And to think fans of American football claim to be rowdy…

    Double, Double, Toil and Trouble…


    2008 - 07.23

    On July 11th, police encountered a female driver swerving on the streets of Eagle, Colorado. She was pulled over and showed obvious signs of intoxication.

    Upon being arrested, the 56-year-old suspect flew into a rage. She announced to the officers that she was a “black witch” and vowed to hex the two cops. In the back seat of the cruiser, she kicked, screamed, and smacked her head on the inside of the vehicle.

    That’s what happens when you mix tequila and methadone.

    The woman now faces charges of careless driving, disorderly conduct, failure to display a drivers license, driving under suspension, and resisting arrest.

    If she had been sober enough to place a curse, apparently it hasn’t worked yet.

    Flying would’ve been a far safer option.

    A Bunch of Hocus Pocus…


    2008 - 06.03

    After yet another drunken tirade from the annoying woman downstairs stressing me out to no end, I was tempted to plot something sinister tonight. I know… I’m a terrible person for disliking someone and not finding any admirable qualities. But instead of doing something and tempting the Fates, I decided on reciting a little banishing chant I know from my college years delving into Wicca.

    And the entire time, I actually seemed cheerful about the politeness in my voice.

    I also did a little digging and found a few little spells (and wow, banishing oil is very easy to make!) which I probably won’t even touch. I realized it’s simply not worth the energy.

    My sidekick friend Evie mentioned weeks ago doing a little prosperity magick to attempt to bring money her way. I’ve never really been the sort to take classes for things of that nature, so I once again did a little digging.

    Lo and behold! I found some very insightful tidbits of information. And once again, I felt even better. The basic principles of bringing wealth and money to yourself spiritually aren’t very difficult. They simply require most of us to throw out our notions of money and it’s importance.

    For one, if you desire money, don’t react with disdain for those who have it. Admire them. Admit you wish to be like them. Then, realize that the more you concentrate on the lack of money in your own pocket, the more you push it away. Negativity does not attract! And finally, understand that everything in the world recycles. What you give you will receive… just try to have a little patience with it.

    I know. All this mentioning of spells may sound a bit nutty to some of you. If you wish to believe that such notions simply involve the subconscious mind and that we all bring about our own changes without realizing it, do so. Yet I have had a few odd “accidents” involving spells which proved them to possibly work.

    Then again, isn’t anything that doesn’t cause any damage worth a try?

    Invasion of the Penis Snatchers…


    2008 - 04.23

    Be careful if you go to the Democratic Republic of Congo. You just might lose more than your wallet.

    Thirteen people are currently being detained by police after being accused of black magic. Allegedly, they have preyed on men, shrinking their genitals or making them mysteriously disappear. Supposedly, their motivation is extorting money from the victims to “cure” them.

    They aren’t being held because the police take these accusations seriously: it’s for their own safety.

    Once someone is labeled a sorcerer guilty of these misdeeds, the locals mob them. There have been several attempted lynchings already. Such occurrences are common in West Africa: nearly a decade ago in Ghana, a dozen people accused of penile thievery were beaten to death.

    No matter how illogical it may sound or how many times the irrationality is explained, many villagers take it very seriously. Especially Alain Kalala, 29, of Kinshasa.

    “It’s real,” he said. “Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.”

    Sure, blame it on a witch doctor.